I haven’t blogged since September 27th, 2010, to look at this blog you’d think I’ve not blogged ever, but I have blogged. I blogged at Suburban Composition for almost 2 years (wow!) Then I stopped, I’m not really sure why. Maybe because it felt like no one was listening, maybe I just kept going longer and longer between posts until it seemed like it was to late to go back. Maybe I got sick of the theme of that blog in general, I sometimes felt I was putting on a show, being Martha Stewart instead of Roseanne. Towards the end it often seemed only one person was reading my blog, Kristi from Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice. Kristi often commented on my posts, sometimes on the site, often by email, and I on hers. She was the one blog I read daily, when I had given up on all others. She passed away in December. It seems weird to be upset by someone I never actually met, but she was an internet friend of mine, and I lost interest in blogging for a while because of her. She remembered details about me that many people forget, things that she read in my blog or we chatted about by email. We weren’t close, emailing daily or swapping detailed info, but we talked.
Then I started to think, maybe, maybe I’ll blog again. Maybe I’ll take time to blog. Maybe I’ll do it this way, or talk about that. Maybe I’ll use this theme or that idea. I set up this new blog months ago, still thinking Maybe.
I kept journals, or tried to. I tried one sentence a day journals, 140 items or less journals (journaling instead of posting a twitter or facebook status) I tried simple memory journals, writing one funny thing the Bear said or one thing we’d done that day. I didn’t stick with any of them.
I started reading blogs again. First in masses. Then removing many I followed until I found a real sync, reading blogs that reflected my life in some way. Maybe they homeschool in a style similar to me, or they collect something I collect, maybe they go places I want to go, or just dress like I do. I know that instead of making me feel like I SHOULD be being what they are they make me feel like I AM doing what I should be.
And so finally I’ve decided to start over. I’m starting over blogging, starting over on a new blog, and a new look at my life. I’m sick of trying to fit into a round hole, trying to be something I’m not, or live like other people. I’m going to accept my life, my lifestyle, my crazy son, my messy house. I’m accepting cloth diapers (though we’re potty trained here these days) no HFCS, no dairy, I’m accepting speech delays, unschooling, cosleeping (still.) I’m Accepting Abnormal.