Remember when I said I’m Not supermom? Well today I got in a screaming match with my 4 year old. And sadly it happens way more then I care to admit. As usual today’s issue was over something trivial and the only reason I even remember what it was is because no one wants to scream at their kid, and when you do you’re inclined to remember why.
After the, as much as I hate to say it let’s be honest here, after the fight I went out with a friend, got some coffee, bought some gorgeous jewelry (on sale!!) and headed home, shortly to be struck down by a horrible migraine. (I think it was sticker shock on the non-sale items) Having a migraine gave me plenty of time to settle, think, and watch a calming thought provoking movie.
Which gave me two epiphanies. One is completely unimportant right now, but the other was:
WHY? Every time Blu and I have a battle of the wills it’s over something stupid, and trivial. Every time. We get into it over behavior at the store, clothes (rarely), and things like schedules, or doing “unacceptable” things. But I realized, why? I don’t WANT him to be like other kids, I don’t want to force him into the same box as everyone else. Only I decide what is acceptable behavior for him. If he acts a certain way in the store (which is usually quiet, out of peoples way, and careful not to break things, but is high energy) WHO cares!?!?!? Why does it matter if people give me the stink eye over my kid’s behavior? Frankly it’s none of their business! Sure he has to learn how to act in public, but for one thing he’s 4, and for another he’s not hurting anyone or anything. (except maybe himself)
I want him to grow up to be something amazing, whether that be an artist or musician, or just a lawyer who thinks outside the box (hopefully for freedom, not for stupidity.) I want him to grow up and be different. If I think of the people who I’d like him to be like I don’t get the impression that their parents where raising them to fit in. So exactly why am I fighting with my child over it? Sure I’m already more relaxed and a lot different than most parents, why not go full fledged, be us and be happy?
Recently I had a chat with my husband about my local yarn store, about how I feel like they talk about Blu’s behavior (and therefore my parenting) after I leave. But you know what? I spend a lot of money there, and as long as they are being nice to my face, I don’t care what they think about me or say after I leave.
And now I resolve to stop. I’m going to stop the fighting. I’m going to stop trying to cram him into that box. I’m going to be happy being us. This doesn’t mean he can act like a maniac, or getaway with anything he wants. But it means that when some stranger is giving me the stink eye I’m going to hold my head high and know I’m raising someone special. In 30 years when he’s doing something amazing, and I can look at myself in the mirror, and say “Yeah, I raised that fella.”
And now, I’d love to hear your confessions in the comments. Have you fought with your child? Have you been the parent who was giving the stink eye? Or even better, tell me a time when you were getting the stink eye. Come one folks, tell me I’m not alone in this one.