While lots of parents are prepping their kids for going back to school this week, we’re prepping for something very different. Tomorrow is the day we’ve been waiting for all summer. We’re headed to off for the day for a full evaluation with an occupational therapist. I’m honestly surprised by how very, very nervous I am. It could be the day that blows open our understanding of his behavior. It could be the day that starts an even longer journey of trying to decipher him. We’re expecting, and preparing for a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder. But we could be told anything. Having an expectation doesn’t make it easier. I think I’m more afraid that they won’t find anything than of any diagnosis we could get.
It’s so hard to look at your child and KNOW that something just isn’t wired right inside of him. To know that as great as he is he just isn’t “normal.” Chewing a shirt to rags in the span of a day isn’t normal. Suddenly becoming terrified of escalators, or having his hair washed, or a certain pair of shoes isn’t normal. Changing sheets at 2 am because they are so scratchy he’s in tears isn’t normal. Those may be normal parts of our life, but I know it’s not normal child behavior. And knowing that is harder than I can put into words for anyone who hasn’t been there. If you’ve never been in that spot you can imagine how bad it really feels. To laugh because you know he can’t help it, and so you don’t cry. I often think, as hard as it is for me, I can only imagine how hard it is for him.
Right now I’m trying to make some form of order out of his inch thick file of paperwork and past evals, so that I can take it with us.
Tomorrow morning I’m prepping the crock-pot for dinner. His appointment is at 1, we have to arrive about 30 minutes early. The trip is around 30 minutes to an hour, but they sent us a note to prepare for excessive traffic. We’re leaving home around 11. Then the evaluation is 2 1/2 hours. Then we leave in rush hour to come home. Blu doesn’t know there is a new Leapster game sitting in his car seat waiting for him. I’m hoping it will give him something to entertain him, give him something to talk about, and reward him in advance for how very long and hard the day will be.
Meanwhile everything else is on hold. The next 24 hours may be the longest of my life.
Any words of encouragement greatly appreciated in the comments.